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it's going to be 4 years and yet E is not behaving any better to me . instead treats me like piece of shit . for 4 years what I did for E is so much that my ferns around me are leaving me 1 by 1 because they can't stand me being this fucking stupid . I have left very little friends and they hated E so much . am I still with E because I really love E or I just feel I am hanging on because I'm not getting anything back . soemone really need to slap my face really hard and wake me up ...

hate and love

Once again This person did the same thing to hurt me again over and over again. And this time i had enough of all the lies and things that this person did behind my back. I cannot be with a person who doesnt for sure know if wants to be with me. We been together almost 2 years now. When i said thats it. i dont wan to be that fool anymore. im tired of crying to myself at night. im tired of thinking if you gonna think bout that person when you are with me? im tired of thinking were you really in love with me? and of course the most tired of all, im tired of begging you back into my life. im tired. im hurt. my frens said i shudnt be treated like a 2nd material in this person life.
You said you wanted to start all over again. Well i dont know if i can.

i wan to pretend like nothing happen but obviously you hurt me so fucking bad whenever i face you i dont know if i should pretend i am happy or just walk away.

Why


I know E still love the ex but at the sme time E loves me but E loves her more . Why do this to me? U hurt me. Really u brought me into this kind of relationship and u hurt me like this. If you still can't get over ur ex don't start with me . Y ??? What Shud I do? Can someone tell me how? Issit so hard to get someone to love me back? If I ask E keep a distance and stop going back will this work out? Cos I love E. I do. It hurts so much now

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Sick

I"ve been sick since last mon till now. Fever has been coming and gone . I'm scared that I might got myself into Denggie but how can I got bitten by mosquito where my office don't have any watery thingy. Or did I kena jampi?E is very worried bout me and insist of getting a blood test but I'm scared. What if I got cancer how? Wat will happen then? I'm scared and frightened . Our biggest test to date is when E told me that wans to go back and stayed there for work purpose . Apart of me I really do not want E to go back but as a supporting gf I have to let E go. Staying in kl Is making E crazy . So I decided and I told E to go back although my heart felt so pain . I have no choice but to do so cos I can't be a selfish bitch. I know E will not go back if knows I Will unhappy but for work purpose I have to setE free. Whatever happens after this I leave it to god to see if we can stand against the time . As long I know there is a possibility of them meeting up together my heart will never be ease and I wonder how much longer I can endure

Posted via LiveJournal app for iPhone.

Confused part 2

Its been 4 months since we are together. We had alot of happy times and also alot of unhappy moments. Sometimes i wonder could it be my problem that lead to those unhappy moments? Was my insecurities that lead me to thinking all sorts of nonsense things ? I have no idea. Long time ago i had issues with trusts and commitments. Now that i have started this relationship i put in a lot of effort and also i trusted you so much. Sometimes u make me feel as if i am a burden to you. Instead of sharing your downs, i put in more chilli sos into it. or maybe i am jsut a lousy gf

confused

I stop open my heart to anyone since ages ago because im scared of getting hurt. my heart is very fragile. i cannot take any unsuspected incoming stabs into my heart because i know it will take me many years later to rebuild. I need to close my heart now as im already feeling the pinch of heart ache.

I dont like knowing things last minute. I ponder, if i nvr asked, will this person ever tell me this coming month that this person is going to overseas for holiday? i ponder.... till the day before leave ?

I need to slap myself and wake myself up. STop opening the heart. STOP! dont get hurt. just dont......

Changed my job

Finally i have changed my job. im happy i did it.

YOU

Sometimes u upsets me alot with all the accusations.

no regrets

I am actually pretty happy that ichanged my number, delete some ppl from my fb and also not wanting to keep in touch with certain ppl anymore.

Whoever that knows me , for sure i would nvr ever speak or wanting to be 'frens' with someone who has spread all sorts of lies , pretending to be angel and ofcourse behind my back backstab not only me but also others.

This particular person has said the other person, FAT, slimy, and all sorts of things, and this person expect me to act normal and be friends back. I cant do it. After all i want to get away from these dramas. whenever that person around, there will alwiz be dramas. i choose to stay away.